At school, I was the one who never wore jeans. I was the tall girl with the long hair… the one who made her own clothes, decorated her leggings with a stencil and a fabric pen and wore her Dad’s jumper as a skirt and made skirts by hand from sari fabric. The clothes I wore, were an expression of how I felt… different. I think we all feel that, to an extent.
Whilst at Uni, weekends were spent trawling the flea markets and charity shops, seeking out garments that made my heart sing… clothes which already had histories. At times, I felt like an actor in a play. I loved getting dressed up and acting out my life in the city. But as I grew a little older, found a job, settled down, I expressed myself less and less through my attire. This was partly because I was no longer finding such gems in the charity shops, but it was also a case of losing my sense of personal style.
Having kids has a massive impact on what I chose to wear. During pregnancy, choices are limited. First time around, I teamed nighties with leggings, but after the birth of my son, practical took over from pretty as my priority in an attempt to find clothes I could easily breast feed in and that covered my newly stretched figure. As I lost my baby weight I found that I regained neither my original figure nor my sense of style and felt lost putting outfits together. This sense of being lost as to what I should wear, was a reflection of how I was feeling in general. In becoming a mother, I had gained a baby, but outside of being Mum, I had lost my identity.
Ten years on, now that big boy is almost looking me in the eye and small boy is at school and five, I am finally finding my way back to me. In doing more of the things I love and earning an income from my strengths I am finding my own voice again and with this, my sense of style is returning. I am not trying to please anyone but me and I am not trying to be anyone else. I am rediscovering who I am and how I want to show up in the world and it feels empowering. I am still Mum, yes, but I am also Julia; a woman in her own right, with a voice and opinions and needs. I am embracing my difference and letting my true self shine once again.
With my love,
Julia x
p.s. I would love to hear if any of this resonates with you… let me know your experiences in the comments below please. Let’s get a conversation flowing.
Oh yes! Clothes have never really been my thing so I find as I grow out of the mini-kid phase I am becoming bolder and more playful in what I choose. Not always; quite often practicality still rules what I wear – dog walks, laundry, dump runs all are much harder in funky shoes and lots of bangles. But I care much less about conforming to any notion of an ideal. I have a feeling this is only going to get more extreme – I would much rather be a sixty year old in vibrant hand made jacket than M&S trousers anyday!
So good to hear this Alice! I am totally with you on handmade over M&S… especially at 60+. My artist friend Sue Kreitzman is a total inspiration in that area, commissioning textile artists to make clothes from fabrics she has acquired and sporting fabulous custom jewellery, some of which she makes herself. I love the idea of become more extreme the older we get… certainly the case for Sue and, I feel, the way I will also be heading. x