Whilst strolling through Hyde Park today, I came upon Speakers’ Corner, a place I had not been to in 20 years. Wandering amongst the crowds, listening to the speakers, observing the interactions, it struck me that I am now in a similar position to where I was some 20 years ago, as a young woman, new to London, delving into her creativity, not sure where it would lead, but enjoying life’s little adventures, exploring the city and the characters within it. This time, I am older, a mother of two young boys, single for the first time in 20 years and committing to my creativity once again.
This realisation gave me a strange feeling which I felt deep in my heart. It was a kind of anxiety… a me on my own in the big, wide world, no partner to share with, and the responsibility of two children who rely upon me kind of a feeling. But it was also a fullness… a feeling that anything is possible, this is just down to me now, and I am free to create whatever I wish for me and my kids.
The reality, of course, is somewhere in between… their Dad remains very active in the boys’ lives, so it is not just me they rely upon. And the dreams…? There is no guarantee I can create all I may wish for the boys and I, but I can do my best to create a wonderful life for us all. And my heart…? I haven’t given up hope… far from it, but it could do with a little healing.
So, in my month of making art, I am seeking to reconnect with myself. I am using my hands to connect with my heart. Today, I created a little something that makes me smile. It is a simple something that warms my heart makes me feel protected.
In being present, and in putting my hands on my heart, I can give myself all the love I need right now… and in making my art, I will hopefully create something that not only heals me, but that may, if I am lucky, speak to the hearts of other people.