Day 4 of my commitment to creativity and guess what…? I don’t know what to do.
For the past month, knowing that on May 1, I would – no matter what distractions and dilemmas lay ahead – commit to creating something, anything, every day for 30 days, my brain has been working overtime, my enthusiasm has been hard to contain, my ideas have been flowing. Overflowing.
And now… just four days in, I feel stuck, blank, empty of ideas and inspiration. It is a strange feeling and one which I have become accustomed to over the years and one which I can never quite get a handle on, but it seems to follow a pattern and the pattern goes something like this:
Life is busy, busy, busy… I don’t have time (or devote time) to sit and create, but I have ideas galore. I feel frustrated at my lack of time as I have so many thoughts of things I want to make/do/explore that I truly believe if I had the time to do them, the creative juices would just flow and I would be producing wonderful things.
A few weeks later, I find myself with a small window of time. I am excited, eager to make the most of this golden opportunity. I think yeah, let’s get those ideas moving, let’s make something, do something, but I don’t… I freeze. At this point, all of the ideas I had seem less exciting than they were and new ideas just don’t come, or do, but are instantly dismissed and I am stuck, not knowing where to start, not knowing what to create. So, instead of doing something, anything, I do nothing, but feel frustrated. At this point the voices come in… “Why were you thinking you could do all of those amazing things if only you had time? What made you believe you could change a habit of a lifetime and suddenly become that productive, creative being you always wanted to be? And who’s to say that if you got off your bum and did something that it would even be any good? Who gave you permission to even think of yourself as an artist anyway?” I listen, I try to dismiss them, but still I am stuck. Confidence dips, fear sets in and all too soon I am too busy again. Panic over… there is no time to create anything, I can go back to having the ideas and doing nothing with them.
So, why am I here? I am here to address those fears, to change a habit of a lifetime, to believe I am good enough, to give myself permission to create, to acknowledge that I am already doing plenty of creative things on a daily basis and that I just don’t give myself credit for them and that every little thing should be celebrated and enjoyed to the full.
Today, instead of doing nothing, I will do a very small something… a step in the right direction. I will make something for myself. I will make a badge that says “artist” and I will wear it with pride.
Heading over from the 30DC to say hello! So identify with you – as many do (see http://grace-marshall.com/the-power-of-baby-steps/). I once did an exercise exploring my self-doubt and realised the thing that underpinned it all for me boiled down to the question “Who do you think you are?” in a sneering tone of voice. What I found helped was to actually change the tone and asked myself seriously, “Ok, who DO I think I am?” I found myself coming up with “Well I AM…. and I AM… and I HAVE done….” essentially coming up with evidence that supported and boosted my confidence. Yours could start with “Who gave me permission….? Hang on I did!” Hope that helps – keep going, you’re great
Thank you Grace. Yes, baby steps… I need to remember to slow down… one step at a time is just fine. I like your ideas and I will indeed be changing the tone and giving myself permission. x
This will resonate with many people, you are not alone. I like the 30DC
20 minutes a day goal idea – this time slot has a tendancy to grow…
I love your picture too – keep going.
Thank you for your support Caroline. The 20 mins a day is perfect, we just need to make it a regular habit. See you over at the 30DC. x
Julia, your creativity is really inspiring, I hope you are wearing this badge RIGHT NOW. =)
Thank you Sophie. It is now permanently pinned to my waistcoat. x
I LOVE this! xxx
Thank you Selina. x
Hi Julia, be gentle with yourself. Creativity is also about being in flow and we can’t be in optimum flow every single day. Some days more than others. If you were overflowing with ideas every single day you wouldn’t be human
There will always be ups and downs, ebbs and flows etc. and that’s a good thing or life would be terribly predictable and boring, right? Just by having seen your first few posts here, I already know that you are a true artist: your visuals are beautiful and have a wondrous, innocent quality and your writing is very engaging as well. Thank you for being original and honest.
Brigitte, you are absolutely right about the ebbs and flows.
Thank you for your heartfelt thoughts and words. x
Hi Julia, the thing you maybe don’t realise is that you truly inspire people. I saw your art and was almost inspired to try to be an artist as well. But again, your wise words and thoughts set me down a different path, which is ‘artistic’ yet a better fit, matching an un-achknowledged passion. Wear your Artist badge with pride – your art inspires, you’re brill – I’ll shout it out loud, THANK YOU
Ian, I can’t tell you how much your comments mean to me.
This exercise in daily creativity is challenging me in unexpected ways. I need to find my own voice, confront my demons and change my habits before I can confidently ask other people to do the same. It is so good to know that it is happening anyway.
As Picasso famously said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
I am seeking that inner child, going back to things I loved doing years ago, getting the fun back and letting the light in. x